Don’t be Small Minded About Small Talk

Practically everyone opines how much they hate small talk. The minutes before a meeting kicks off or networking at a conference/association meeting or generally meeting new people.

But, what if we reframe the way we see small talk? Instead of a chore, what if we think of it as a the foundation for building relationships?

Small talk allows you to find common ground with others, creating a sense of familiarity and trust. By discussing non-work-related topics, you can discover shared interests, hobbies, or experiences. Meaningful small talk fosters emotional connections. When people feel understood and valued, collaboration and creativity thrive. Take the time to listen actively and show genuine interest in what others have to say. It’s a low-pressure way to express interest in getting to know someone, less intimidating than diving straight into business matters.

Additionally, small talk allows you to build rapport before discussing significant topics. You never know where a casual conversation may lead. It can create opportunities and referrals. It can inspire self-reflection and external action.

So how do we take the pain out of small talk? First we have to master the questions and conversation. Only then can we transition to deeper conversations or use it for career advancement.

Mastering Small Talk

• Ask open-ended questions:

  Yes, no, and other one-word responses can cause small talk to fail and become very awkward. Instead, focus on asking questions that are open-ended and encourage detailed responses. This way you gain more insight to continue the conversation. Some of my favorite questions include:
  • What do you enjoy most about your role?
  • How did you get into the HR/payroll field?
  • What session have you enjoyed most from this conference?
  • What are you looking forward to?

• Listen actively:

  If you’re engaging in small talk to ignore the other person’s responses and only to hear yourself speak, STOP IT! Small talk is all about showing respect for the other person’s thoughts and opinions. Avoid interrupting the other person or focusing too much on what you’re going to respond that you forget what they’re saying.

• Find common ground:

  Have you ever been casually chatting with someone and all of a sudden you find out that you share some sort of commonality? How much easier did the rest of the conversation go? Probably a lot. Observe cues from the conversation to identify shared interests. Sometimes this comes from asking the right questions or building rapport through the work you do. Other times it might have nothing to do with your professional career. Leverage your common ground to deepen your connections.

• Practice active engagement:

  Take the time to practice and understand the non-verbal cues that indicate engagement. Make sure you maintain appropriate eye-contact, nod your head, or other physical actions that show you’re paying attention. As always, make sure you’re present in the moment rather than mentally preparing your response.

• Share your experiences:

  Too many questions from one party can seem like an interrogation not a conversation. Small talk is a two-way street. Share your thoughts, experiences, and anecdotes. Just remember that all people in the conversation should be talking for roughly the same amount of time.

Transitioning to Deeper Conversations

• Explore more variety of topics:

  Once you’ve had the opportunity to establish the foundation of your relationship, you’re able to transition from surface-level topics to more varied ones. This is where you can probe deeper into what is going on in their company or industry. Just make sure there’s a connecting thread between the topics. Don’t jump around too much from one topic to another.

• Share personal anecdotes:

  Reminder: small talk is a two-way street. As you’re sharing relevant information, consider building it into a story. Storytelling creates connections and helps people remember and resonate with the conversation.

• Think about the time you have:

  A five minute break between conference sessions is not the time to have an in-depth conversation about your life story or everything you want to change in our HR or payroll department. Establish strong rapport, then you can swap contact information. Make sure you follow up in a timely manner to continue the conversation.

Using Small Talk for Career Advancement

• Career-planning conversations:

  As previously mentioned, a great question can be around how people ended up in the career or role. This is particularly great if they’re in a role you aspire to achieve. Listen to what they say and ask thought-provoking questions. This can also be a great time to garner insights about the next steps in your career plan. Ask them if they think a certification or additional education could be relevant.

• Humble brag about you accomplishments:

  It can be tough to talk about our achievements without seeming like we’re bragging. Take the time to understand what your greatest achievements are and how to organically weave them into the conversation.

• If you’re job searching, don’t be afraid to ask about their company:

  
  Job searching can be one of the hardest activities. If you have a great conversation with someone and you think you’d want to work with them, politely ask them if they have any relevant open roles at their organization or if they know any. It might now help right away, but they will leave thinking about how they can help you.

Small talk isn’t merely about filling silence; it’s a powerful tool for establishing meaningful connections. If done right, it lays the groundwork for more profound interactions. Approach small talk with genuine curiosity, and ask questions that show you’re interested in the other person’s experiences, opinions, and passions. Listen actively, pay attention to their responses, and understand their perspective. Find common ground—whether it’s a shared interest in hiking, a favorite TV show, or a recent travel experience. These emotional bonds pave the way for deeper conversations. Once you’ve established rapport, transition from surface-level topics to more meaningful ones. Explore hobbies, passions, and aspirations. Remember, even the most profound relationships often begin with a simple, “How’s your day going?” So embrace small talk as a powerful tool for career growth and lasting connections!