The Building Blocks of Relationships – How to Win Friends and Influence People

Dale Carnegie’s 1936 book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, has sold over 50,000,000 copies in 38 languages and has inspired over 3,000 instructors within his methodology. It is one of the most popular and lasting resources for interpersonal communications with advice that companies, including Willory use to form lasting relationships.

So in case you have never read the book or just could use a refresher… the nine most important guidelines are:

1. Don’t criticize, condemn or complain

When you criticize someone, you automatically diminish them. Not a good way to initially build a relationship. Always consider the fact that you might be wrong. If you have to criticize someone, attempt to see his or her point of view first. Figuring out how that individual came to their conclusion is the most effective way to sensitively re-route their behavior.

2. Give honest and sincere appreciation

Be sincere with your appreciation as pretending or insincerity is easily detectable, resulting in distrust and your motives coming into question. Not a good basis for a friendship or any type of relationship.

3. Provoke an eager want

Let’s face it; people are much more interested in themselves than you. Trying to convince by talking about YOUR benefits is a surefire way to lose a sale. Tell your audience about what something can do for them. Talk about the benefits and services your product provides. They’ll be more receptive.

4. Become genuinely interested

Genuine interest is always better then feigned interest—people are usually good at figuring out when someone is being insincere. Be sincere when interacting with other people. They’ll be more trusting and more likely to form lasting relationships with you.

5. Smile

Smiling may be one of the easiest actions to implement on this list—but it is can also be the hardest. It’s simple, and free, and doesn’t take too much effort. Smiling people are assumed to be more cheerful and people are more pleasant to be around. A smile makes you seem warmer and more inviting. So why aren’t you smiling?

6. Remember that a person’s name is the sweetest sound

People love hearing their name. I always get a little thrill when people remember my name. I feel important. Make an effort to remember everyone’s name and face. Then utilize this knowledge. Drop it into conversation. Say, “Thanks, Alison,” instead of “Thank you.” It adds a personal touch, and instantly gives that person an elevated feeling of importance.

7. Be a good listener and encourage others to talk about themselves.

Don’t speak, listen. People want to talk about themselves. Ask a few questions and soon enough people are eagerly talking. If you talk about what they want to talk about, the conversation will last longer and be more fulfilling. Being serious about the subject matter of your conversation will arouse a feeling of connection between you and your conversation partner, as you can see by the next tip.

8. Talk in terms of other’s interests

Talk about what other people want to talk about. If they’re interested and passionate about the subject, then they’re more likely to remember the conversation. It also creates a connection between you and the other personas people are attracted to other people who share their similar interests. Talking about someone else’s interests, and being engaged, tells the other person you are into what they’re into, whether it be a hobby, favorite novel or business practice.

9. Make them feel important – and do it sincerely

Everyone wants to feel important. Who doesn’t want to be the next president, or the person making decisions? It’s easy to make other’s feel important. Give compliments, the more specific the better. “This spreadsheet was very clear and organized—nice job!” is more flattering than a simple, “Good work,” though it conveys the same message. Make sure you are sincere. If you compliment too much or the compliments are insincere, people will assume you are lying or trying to manipulate them. They’re less likely to trust you or help in your endeavors. However, making people feel important will boost their self-confidence and they’ll be grateful.

By exploiting these guidelines as a professional and as a company as a whole, it is certain that long lasting relationships will be established.